What four letter word limits us and contains us more than any other force on earth? FEAR.

Unhealthy fear alerts us to look before we leap and to read the fine print of a contract before we sign. This is the fear of worthy self-preservation designed to keep us alive long enough to pass on our DNA to the next generation. In other words, fear is an important tool in our survival kit to make it to a ripe old age.

So, while fear is hard-wired into our brains as a survival tool, when does it become a burden and hinderance? Usually when it keeps us from growing mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. For example, public speaking is the number one fear in America, beating out the fear of flying and death (pretty much in that order, too). Say you have this common fear of the speaker’s podium, then ask yourself how important is this skill in your life? Is it keeping you from joining certain social clubs or advancing your career?

If the answer is no, then perhaps you have other mental dragons to slay, and this may not be a top priority fear to reduce. However, if the answer is yes, then you’re in even greater luck because now you are on the path of possible tremendous personal growth.

Facing fear is the key. Humans often go to great lengths to avoid something we fear, but all along not realizing a simple fact: we’re spending many more times the effort and emotion in the running away from our fears than simply tolerating the emotions and facing our perceived demons.

Dr. Susan Jeffers wrote in her book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else. pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.”

Tips and tools I give my clients to address fear are listed below. These can be very beneficial.

1. How do we fight fear? We fight fire with fire. Generally fears stem from some type of cognitive distortion, which simply means we have a belief about ourselves that may not be true. When we were children, we may have been told we looked silly playing the snowflake in the school Christmas play (probably from that jealous, no-talent icicle behind us). We took it to be true that we looked silly in front of others, stored it way back in our minds, and continue to live that false belief today. 
2. To rewire your brain, tell yourself you are capable, you can handle whatever happens, and that you love and approve of yourself. 
3. Lean into what scares the socks off you, and then notice that while it may have been hard, it wasn’t impossible. And you’re stronger for it.

If you’re finding yourself held back by real or perceived fears, seeking help can help you address these more openly and without crippling consequences. I welcome you to schedule a 15 minute free consult to determine if counseling with Leslie Tourish will be a good fit. Please contact me today to schedule your free introduction.