Does Attitude Determine Altitude?
It’s been said that eighty percent of our actions and thoughts are somehow tied up into looking good to others.
At first, I disregarded that statistic out of hand because, after all, that’s a huge chunk of effort. But, when looking at our existence, from the cars we drive, to the clothes we wear, and the mates we marry, some element of social status is involved.
Self-esteem gained from outward possessions and achievements can buoy our spirits for a time. But after a while even such attainments can lose their luster as we normalize them, allowing dissatisfaction and doubt to wiggle back in. Low self-esteem is often the driving force behind many mental illnesses and can snake tentacles of depression, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy into the hearts of otherwise healthy, capable people.
I am worthwhile simply because I am a human being.
Professor David D. Burns, a clinical psychiatrist and authority on mood-related disorders, writes in his book, Ten Days to Self-Esteem, that most people attempt to assuage their feelings of emptiness with accomplishments and possessions. “However, this conditional self-esteem may leave them vulnerable to future bouts of depression and anxiety when they once again feel unsuccessful or unloved.”
His solution is to grow our own unconditional self-esteem. “According to this notion, you do not have to do anything or measure up to any standard in order to be worthwhile,” he writes. “You treat yourself with love and respect simply because you are a human being, in much the same way that you might choose to be compassionate to be a beloved friend or child who was troubled and suffering. Your love is not earned but is given unconditionally, because the love is needed.”
We are a country of doers and problem solvers, so the concept of: I am worthwhile simply because I am a human being: self-esteem is a gift I give myself and I don’t have to earn it, may be foreign indeed to many of us. Yet there is so much more power in that statement than one in which we say: Someday I’ll love myself when I achieve this degree or get that promotion or lose weight and fit into that dress size.
Many years ago, when I was covering a story as a photojournalist for a Santa Fe, New Mexico newspaper, I attended a lecture given by the Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibet, in a packed auditorium. This powerful, yet down-to-earth, man said one thing I’ll never forget; it took coming to America for him to understand the concept of low self-esteem. In his isolated, mountain-locked country there wasn’t such a word because there wasn’t such a concept. Every person, from the humblest field hand to the Dalai Lama himself, was valued for just simply being.
Another American writer, Joan Didion, sums it up beautifully, “To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love, and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference.”
Books are a great way to get support building your self-esteem, especially if they provide exercises and other methods to practice skills introduced. If you’re continuing to struggle due to your own self-talk or issues with a loved one putting you down, my door is open to be a guide in the discovery of the wonderful you!
Reprinted from the July issue of Dripping Springs Outlook Magazine.
Serving Dripping Springs, Texas and Surrounding Austin & Hill Country Communities
Leslie Tourish LPC 
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