10 Tips to Manage Grieving After the Holidays
Unfortunately amidst the rise and fall of emotions and stress during the holiday season, often people are grieving over the recent loss of a loved one, grieving for someone who’s missed memorable times, or grieving for a loss of a job, friendship, or other life change.
Holidays are a time for lots of love and togetherness with friends and family. As the holidays have come to a close, I felt this was the perfect time to address tips to mange any type of grieving you may be experiencing. Most importantly, remember your grief is yours to go through on your own journey.
Strategies for Coping with Grief
The American author William S. Burroughs has a famous quote, “In deep sadness there is no sentimentality.” Sentimentality is the gift of perspective. To gain perspective, we need time and healing. Sometimes a person who is in the cold shell of grief may lose that ability to step back and gain perspective; energy and coping skills may be drained.
Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, a nationally acclaimed death educator and grief counselor recognized this in patients he works with and composed what he terms, “The Grieving Person’s Bill of Rights.” They are as follows:
10 Tips for Managing Your Grief
You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief.
You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.
You have the right to experience grief “attacks.”
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More important, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you that rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs.
You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the cliched responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
You have the right to move toward your grief and heal
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patience and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
I also suggest a few extra tips for managing your grief.
Consider these Behavior Modifications for Grief Support
If gatherings in the new year feel overwhelming, find an area with less people and find comfort there.
When attending work, family, or friend social events, pick your “safe person” who can support you and/or help with an excuse if you need to leave prematurely.
Carefully consider what events you need to attend. Not everything is mandatory! Be kind to yourself. This is true for everything throughout the year.
When approaching grief management, you have the choice to use or not use any coping strategies that work for you to move you forward. During that time, consider your Grieving Person’s Bill of Rights and be kind to yourself. As part of that, remember you have control over how much you do, and if changes are required this year.
If you find yourself unable to be a part of your community due to the extent of your grief, this may be time to find a professional counselor for additional support. I am available for you in my Dripping Springs, Texas psychotherapy office to talk through your grief and even re-entry to life’s greatest thrills, when you’re ready.
Leslie Tourish LPC 
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